Hulu, Web Video and That Scary Kid from High School

As I’m writing this item, a second browser window on my computer is open and playing a video of Michael Scott and company meeting in a Dunder Mifflin conference room.

we armak fur infinitee paperfessional

to help us make itlater so it’s ajhhhh not too shabby

Ah, those cut-ups at The Office! Listen’ to ‘em go at it!

so, Anybod it take car anima tried to do a logo

luug a da

eeaativity!

I suppose I need to explain that the dialogue I’m quoting is from a video of The Office embedded on the blog of Hulu, a new video service just launched by NBC/Universal and News Corp. The service is still in beta and very few free-living humans, aside from some media people and one analyst at Forrester and Co., have laid eyes on it.

Some venture capitalists and assorted bigbrains have proclaimed Hulu a “YouTube Killer.” By this they mean one of two things: (a) Hulu may demonstrate that big media companies can control distribution of their own content in a digital world; or (b) Hulu may prove someone has a freaking clue how to make money by streaming video on the web.

But for insight on business matters I always defer to the Sage from Scranton:

I wan youngwik cutTV on crack!

ind of ing. . .

What Michael in his infinite wisdom is saying is, a computer is a pretty crappy way to watch video.

It’s true that my broadband connection at this moment isn’t great–it’s one of those free hotel-room networks–which likely explains the Tourette’s-like vibe in the Dunder Mifflin conference room. But even when the sound is working right, a small screen isn’t something you cozy up your Barcalounger to.

I’m afraid the folks at Hulu don’t stay home and watch TV enough. If they did, they’d realize that nobody is going to sit through an hour-long drama on the notebook computer, even one of those swank 19-inch multimedia jobbies with cool speakers. Where does the viewer sit? In a desk chair for an hour with fingers poised at the keyboard? Maybe if you have wireless you watch it in bed until your neck cricks.

Or how about this: Just bring that flashy new Dell in front of the couch in the family room, and set it on top of the TV. Look, hon: A 19-inch color TV with no remote! Ain’t America great?

I know vast fortunes will rise and fall as investors try to figure out how to capture some of that YouTube fairy dust. But some pretty bright people seem to be confusing the technical ability to transmit video to computers with the desire to watch broadcast TV shows that way.

Note to Hulu: People aren’t deserting TV because they don’t like the device. They’re deserting because they like what’s “on” the computer better. By sticking your broadcast TV content on the web, you’re acting like that creepy-sad kid in high school who, after the girl breaks up with him, follows her around all day long hoping she’ll reconsider.

Dude: She’s just not that into you.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe these broadcasters really are onto something. They are, after all, big, successful corporations with decades of experience mastering the nuances of the American appetite for entertainment. Maybe their lurching attempts to press their decreasingly popular products onto the very people who have deserted them is not a fatal miscalculation.

I am certainly no expert on these things. For advice on these matters I turn, as I often do, to the Sage of Scranton:

a creative profess

how abou dampain?

ood luck Michael

Work at “The Office,” Virtually

If you’re a fan of the NBC program The Office because of its unsettling verisimilitude, you may be happy (or scared) to know you can sign up to work there.

DunderMifflinInfinity is the month-old online division of the cheerless paper concern, and a reported 100,000 people are now on the playroll (to coin a phrase). DMI has become a massive social network, a sort of FaceBook where nobody will “friend” Dwight, a Second Life for people underpaid in their first one.

NBC is really putting the online division to work. People apply to set up “branches” whose “employees” [no more quote marks, sorry] do various office tasks to make SchruteBucks. These are redeemed for virtual desk accessories. Branches compete for corporate’s attention.

The effort is led by Ryan Howard, the erstwhile Scranton salesguy, who is recast as a cruel corporate titan pushing the Infinity staff to higher and higher production.

This is fun stuff for fans, and one of the more inspired and original social networks built to support a TV program fan base. Alas, the site material is written by the junior varsity, and it lacks that unnerving je ne sais quois that makes the show so good.

As for user-generated stuff, it is–stop us if you’ve heard this one before–a mixed bag. Some branches get the joke more than others, as their videos show. Some employees are clearly drinking on the job (the bar party in Dundalk, Md., is highlit by one of the fans falling on her butt, and it does not appear to be staged). Some are guilty of not-funny office pranks, but some are hilarious tributes to the spirit of the show.

Oddly, if you apply to join, there may be a two-week wait before you are “hired” at a branch. It’s not clear if this is a failure in NBC’s to handle the site’s huge popularity, or whether it’s all part of the joke about DunderMifflin’s incompetence.

Unsettling verisimilitude indeed.

Crowdsourcing, Like Wildfire

The current wildfires and mass evacuations in Southern California have spawned dozens of citizen journalism efforts. It’s a classic case where non-professional “reporters” in various places can create more and more compelling content than a single media group can. And it’s a classic case where big-media ignorance is standing in the way of a transformed public experience.

Here are some highlights on these user-generated efforts, which are moving as fast as the fires themselves.

• Orange County Register gathers user photos and videos
• Google mashup of citizen weather stations
• 3,000 and counting wildfire images at Flickr (search “California Wildfire” and choose “most recent”)
• A running Twitter wildfire thread
• A whole bunch of UGC wildfire videos at YouTube (search “wildfire California” to get the best stuff”)

That’s barely a surface scrub. There are also of course the major media CitJ solicitor/aggegations, like CNN’s iReports and Fox News’ uReport photos.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The CitJ/ProAm/UGC/whatever movement needs a single aggregator of the best UGC for a big news event so that people can have a single source to turn to–a kind of Citizen Journalism Big Story Surveillance Project ™.

This content could be curated or, perhaps, delivered via sly search algorithms.

But it won’t be done by Mainstream Media. Why? Too proud of their own content, too contemptuous of UGC quality, too unwilling to create pure curation positions, too tied to their efforts at monetizing their core audience’s UGC contributions instead of going out and finding the very best stuff no matter who solicited it, posted it or is trying to make money off of it.

Oddly enough, if any large medium that did create a disinterested but passionately curated, high-usability, real time aggregation of big-news UGC, it would really have something to monetize–and a powerful asset that could reposition itself in the new media landscape.

But I do believe that no matter who creates it, until there is a single, visible, branded aggregation of real-time and recent UGC, the possiblities of this new style of populist journalism will not be made clear to media users. Until it’s gathered and properly presented, this very good and important material will remain on the periphery of the public’s attention.

And speaking of crowdsourcing: Is anybody aware of a big UGC aggregation effort like this on the California fires? If so, leave a message here or drop me an e-mail.

The 2.0 Crash, Foretold

Sure, there are plenty of signs that the 2.bubble is about to rupture: Revenue-free companies with billion-dollar valuations, surplus venture capital bottom-fishing for any startup with 2.0 in the first paragraph of its business plan, Ajax superstars commanding high six-figure salaries, the suspect reports alleging that everybody’s grandma prefers to watch video on her laptop rather than the plasmatron.

But if you want any more proof that 2.Armageddon is upon us, just visit the Dot-o-mater, a handy tool that automates the tedious process of picking a name for your next 2.0 venture. Select one or more word sets from column A, and one or more from Column B, and let the computer do the work from there.

I just claimed Gigavark and FlipLand on GoDaddy.com, so you better hurry and get your 2.0 domain names before they’re all gone.

Oh, I also got BubbleScape. Eat your heart out.

Al Gore vs. Drew Carey: Another Nail-Biter

What a curious synchronicity that the same day brings announcements about key politically motivated web moves by Nobel Prize winner Drew Carey and comedian Al Gore. No, wait, my mistake! That’s Nobel Prize winner Al Gore and comedian Drew Carey. Sorry.

Gore & Co. are relaunching their Emmy-winning cable/web operation, Current.com, to incorporate more user-generated content. Meanwhile, Carey & Co. are launching a libertarian video web channel, ReasonTV [www.reason.tv; note funky "tv" domain].

Carey is clearly positioning himself as a right-wing Michael Moore: Another fat funny guy ranting against the stupidity of government, but from the other side of the red/blue chasm. As the French say, les extremes sont meme. I hope I’m doing that college French right.

[Conflict of interest revealed: Drew Carey and I lived in the same dorm together at Kent State University in 1975. He used to mimeograph jokes and post them in the bathroom and call it "The Urinal Journal." Actually that's not a conflict of interest at all, I just like to tell people about that.]

Let’s look at the two political broadcasting efforts and see who wins this race for the hearts and minds of America.

Mission statements

Current.com: “It’s about what’s going on, but as you’ve never seen it before. Your brain doesn’t come in boxes labeled NEWS and ENTERTAINMENT. Neither does the world.”

Reason.tv: “Welcome to reason.tv, home of The Drew Carey Project and other great libertarian videos. Over the next few months we plan to bring you the latest, most compelling stories about freedom from all corners of the Internet, and we’ll be experimenting with new interactive content and features.”

Winner, in terms of clarity of mission: Drew Carey

Position on Political Spectrum

current.com: Left, but doesn’t admit it

reason.tv: Right, but admits it

Winner, in terms of intellectual honesty about political alignment: Drew Carey

Rhetorical Effectiveness

current.com: Sophisticated, ecumenical exposition

Reason.tv: Fist-pounding, insistent propaganda

Winner, in terms of ability to connect with opposing forces: Al Gore

Diversity of Offerings

current.com: Wide range of videos offering political commentary, professional mini-documentaries, personal expression and the usual goofy UGC

reason.tv: Narrow range of issue-focused explainers and professionally produced, sort-of-funny Drew Carey explorations of libertarian anti-government screeds

Winner, in terms of diversity of offerings: Al Gore

Inexplicable Programming Decision

current.com: Some UGC links lead to . . .articles, not video clips

reason.tv: Brian Doherty on Milton Friedman

Winner, in terms of inexplicably bad content: Toss-up

Negative Campaigning

current.com: “Carey That Weight”, a harshly critical video on Carey’s “weird and awkward” debut as host of The Price is Right.

reason.tv: John Stossel book-tour speech that, in questioning the competence of government to do almost anything, complains the government “couldn’t even count the votes” in Presidential elections.

Winner, in terms of effectiveness of negative campaigning: Al Gore

Reach into Mainstream

current.tv: Broadcast via Current cable TV channel into 40 million homes

reason.tv: The Price is Right, The Drew Carey Show reruns

Winner, in terms of mainstream reach: Drew Carey

Wow, wouldn’t you know it? Another race too close to call.

But if you add the votes of the Swedish Norwegian judges. . . Gore wins!

Let’s not even imagine the results if the Supreme Court were called in to break the tie.

First Thing We Do, Is Kill All the Newspapers

Roy Peter Clark, a senior scholar at the Poynter Institute, has called for all journalists to suscribe to the daily paper, as a “duty” to the profession. He argues that doing so would prop up the news business until new economic models can sustain news reporting that appears on the web or elsewhere.

Clark is, by all appearances, a very bright guy with a distinguished career. But I hope he wrote that entry because traffic to his blog has been light and he wanted to kick up some dust. Or maybe it’s satire but, like so many in the news business, he has no touch for satire.

I say this because I’m not sure I’ve read something as wrong-headed on this whole print-to-digital transformation issue. Sustain the operation 50 cents at a time until the folks in the newsroom corner offices can either retire or noodle their way to a new business plan when some cataclysm–forced layoffs of half the newsroom, going Sunday-only, killing sports or comics, etc.–finally forces their hand.

As others have written in response to Clark’s column, journalists actually have a duty to cancel their subscriptions as a way to expedite change, of detonating the creative destruction that may–who knows?–save quality journalism in the digital age.

But donating 50 cents at a time to slow that change down is actually mean-spirited, like pulling the legs off a spider so it suffers longer. It’s like keeping a brain dead patient alive on the heart-lung machine not because there’s hope, but because you loved him. Time to pull the plug, administer morphine, have the cremation and get on with the cycle of life. Life, as Thorton Wilder has taught every sixth grader via Our Town, is for the living. Newspapers are not living.

In fact, I propose it’s not enough for journalists to cancel their subscriptions and refuse to buy the paper at Starbucks. It’s time for journalists to undertake acts of civil disobedience in order to save the journalism they believe in (not the pulp-with-ads package that has for so long delivered it, which is an entirely separate thing).

To ensure the principles of journalism–and the reporters, editors, visualists, and others who have the skills, passion and track record to produce it–move as soon as possible into the digital age, we must take action to destroy the hulking structure that stands in the way.

Today, every journalist who cares about news should put 50 cents in a street box, pull out all the papers, and throw them in the trash. Repeat daily until you get caught by the cops. Spend your night in jail, and have colleagues organize rallies and press conferences on your behalf when you are released.

You were only breaking a small law to make a big point, they’ll tell the assembled press. (What did you destroy, $6.50 in property, retail?) You were trying to save an institution vital to the democratic process. You had to turn to extralegal means only because conventional channels blocked civic progress, they’ll explain. Put the press conference clips on YouTube, and game Digg to make sure it gets circulated widely.

The day after your release, gather your colleagues en masse and bring bolt cutters, liberate the street boxes themselves, and take them to a landfill (burning would make better video, but it’s less environmentally responsible). Lock arms, light candles, and submit to mass arrest.

Journalists have done jail time to protect the First Amendment before, and that’s what they need to do here. If journalists don’t band together to preserve journalism in the digital world immediately, the marketeers, bloggeurs, real estate developers and technotweak gazillionniares will fill the news gap by creating “online newspapers” in communities everywhere. It is, of course, happening already.

Do not for a moment think these folks will launch electronic “news” operations that will hold government accountable, explore the messy guts democracy and speak truth to power. Their “news” operations will be designed to aggregate audience and monetize it. The content? Hire some of those producer kids just out of school.

If you think the paper barons of today don’t understand the value of real journalism, just wait until these clowns take over.

There will be no responsible press in the near future unless the folks who love it and believe in it force it into the new era as soon as possible. This push will not come from newsroom management. It will have to come from The People.

That’s my proposal, at least.

I sure hope it brings me some blog traffic.

Or–who knows?–maybe I’m just being satirical. It can be very hard to tell.

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